Trump and Kim Jong-Un Compare Size of Genitals: Results Eerily Similar, Negotiations End

Today reports are reaching us from officials in Washington and Pyongyang of a momentous moment in the current political climate. Just when the world thought it would be plunged into another proxy war to liberate a supposedly oppressed people, the leaders of the two quarreling countries resolved the issue in a somewhat surprising, prepubescent, school yard way. They compared penises.

Apparently the meeting took place in the infamous DMZ (Demilitarized Zone) between North and South Korea, and was the first of its kind. Amid rising diplomatic tensions, sporadic missile tests and flamboyant media posturing, not even the leading international relations experts could have predicted this.

As generals from both countries were preparing themselves for violent conflict, it seems that what’s been the legs of both leaders has quelled war. The aftermath of the meeting has rocked the world’s press. Details of the meeting are somewhat shady, with the nitty gritty being left out by both parties.

From what little information we have gathered so far, we know that both the Supreme Leader and the Leader of the Free World, talked in the Joint Security Area. The aims of the meeting weren’t released before it took place but in a joint press conference directly afterwards, both parties could confirm :

“After intense, heated talks lasting over five hours, the leaders of our countries asked for the room to be cleared, leaving them alone, they came to a climatic conclusion, with what they say was the easiest way to resolve differences and avoid war. . .”

As the report suggests, it seems that at the same time both men pulled their members from their trousers and laid them on the table. The two men were shocked at the similarities both sets of genitalia had, and in fact called in their most trusted advisers, such was the disbelief. Trump was heard yelling from the room “HEY, GET A LOAD OF THIS!!”.

White House Staff can confirm that the length and girth of both members are exactly the same, but details of actual measurements has been left out, that’s for their wives one press officer joked. We do know that they are below the global average for a penis.

As the old saying goes, there is a little bit of truth in every joke, as Melania and Ri were immediate flown to the room amid the incredulity of the President and Supreme Leader. It is not known how this event will affect global diplomacy. Insiders from both parties are calling for a re-measurement, with no short answer forth coming.

The political world reached a furore in wake of the meeting, with many world leaders condemning the act. Although going against the grain, President Emmanuel Macron of France couldn’t hide his disappointed at not being invited, and with classic Gallic flair had this to say:

“I hope when there is another sausage party I will be invited otherwise I will bomb the fuckers….”

Stay tuned for more as it develops.

 

 

 

 

Game of Thrones Is Back: Internet Porn Traffic Down 4.5 Percent

Game of Thrones is back, so no need for the tissues this week. Season 7 of the world’s most liked medieval incest fantasy show, slowed down the main reason the world uses the internet for, pornography.

PornHub reported on Sunday evening that the normal traffic had slowed down by a considerable 4.5 percent. This is at a time when the pornography sites are usually at their most popular, with porn lovers logging on in huge numbers, as most of them have to return to work the following morning.

This is not the first time the show has out done one of the biggest industries, and will probably continue to rival the popularity of masturbation. However, not two hours after the show ended, traffic resumed as normal.

The Rambler contacted Ofcom to see if they had anything to say about the phenomenon, and it wasn’t much. One statistician was kind enough to say this:

“Look, realistically, its one or the other, self pleasure or swords and sorcery, just look at the timing and the traffic statistics from Sunday evening. Game of Thrones is pretty much pornography anyway, so it’s hard to tell the difference from a regulators point of view.”

In related news, fans of the show are calling for the death of Ed Sheeran after his awkward cameo in the first episode.

For all those who don’t like Game of Thrones, Sunday evening seems the best time to be logging on to the adult site.