‘Local News Actually Pretty Scary If You Think About It’ Says “Woke” New Intern

Every large enough community in this country has it’s very own news source, featuring publications in localities from every county such as the Shittington Dispatch (Bedfordshire), the Brown Willy Times (Cornwall), the Hole Bottom Observer (Yorkshire) and the Bell End Bugle (Worcestershire).

Even though they sound like pubs from Harry Potter, they all have much in common, as one millennial found out when he started an unpaid internship at his local rag, The Twatt Enquirier (Orkney).

“To be honest” He says blowing smoke from his cherry flavoured vape into the air, “I didn’t really pay much attention to the local news before I got this job after uni, and the editors don’t really pay much attention to me either but I didn’t realise how dodgy my neighbourhood was after seeing how much crime is reported on around here.”

“Yeah, it’s crazy” He continues, “The amount of burglaries, assaults and muggings that get reported on is actually really high, daily the headlines scream murder and peadophiles, kinda scared to go outside now haha” he jokes.

Seemingly forgetting the old age media mantra “if it bleeds, it leads” this bright eyed intern must have been smoking a few cones during his degree and skipped the basics of modern journalism, before deciding to pursue a career in something he actually knows nothing about even though he studied it for 3 years.

“Probably going to start my own newspaper but only report on happy stuff, think it’s a good idea?” Before our reporter could respond the intern presses her,

“Can you get me a job?”













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