This week has been a strange week for news, everyday, the blonde rugger lover and rapscallion Boris Johnson, has somehow managed to appear in daily headlines. But as we head towards the end of the week, the Foreign Secretary was reported as missing from office this morning as news broke he is related to a sex mad noble from the 18th Century.
Westminster Officials and Police teams spent hours looking for the distinguishable man until they were tipped off by the owner of a greasy spoon cafe not far from the Palace.
Eye witness reports have been confirmed that a fat blonde man in a suit had spent hours sitting in a lonely corner of the cafe. Apparently writing what appeared to be a manifesto he was overheard muttering to himself ‘dole bludgers’ and ‘bridges everywhere’ before spending some time trying to build model bridges, tongue sticking out in concentration, without much success.
‘It was barmy’ says the cafe owner,
‘I knew who he was soon as he walked in, he offered me £15 and a model bridge to keep quiet, which I took obviously, but after seeing what he was up to, I notified the authorities’
‘He tried to order flour soup and well hung pheasant but I had to remind him that those dishes were Victorian and hadn’t been sold for well over a hundred years’
We managed to catch a few words from Boris as he was escorted back to work by his aides,
‘Well this is rather bumfuzzling, the cafe owner is a gubbins, a no good flibbertigibbet, a down right bloviate, I may have bibbled a little bit but I am not a snollygoster, no matter what he says, I was not writing a new manifesto for my own Bridge Party nor I am trying to push for the Premiership’
Mr. Johnson did in fact have a notebook pressed closed to his chest with the words ‘B.Js secrets’ scribbled on the front with child like drawings of famous bridges.