Spokesman of the common folk and a man in touch with the times, Nigel Farage, has today announced that the Bayeux Tapestry is a ‘bunch of b*llocks’ and our ancestors would have never lost so easily to the stinky French.
He says it was a cover up of a large defeat at the hands Harold Godwinson who sent the French nonces packing, back to their perfumeries and egotistical poetry. Believing it to be part of a wider conspiracy by the French to change the course of history and exclaim that William of Normandy was the actual winner of the battle and thus the new King of England.
Conspiracy or no, the annals of history are in agreement that the French have owned England since 1066 and have suggested that they made English cuisine what is it today.
‘This is the very reason I campaigned for Brexit in the first place, the frogs have been hood winking us for almost a thousand years. It’s about time we showed them we know they have been hiding behind that tapestry for too long. We will not be ruled by some French fancies living hundreds of miles away!”
According to Nigels version of history, it was Harold and his hard nuts who beat the foppish effeminate knights of Normandy.
No historian we contacted said this holds even a grain of truth.