Brighton Council Reveals Thousands Spent Each Year On Ceaseless Task Of Removing Empty Baggies From Beach

The City of Brighton & Hove is an iconic seaside city with a famous reputation. However it can be revealed today that the council spends nearly all of its annual budget on employing a certain type of litter picker.

These servants of civility are tasked with the harrowing job of cleaning up the litter left the night before on the city’s pebbled beach. In a daily pre dawn huddle they can be seen preparing themselves for the job at hand. Most of the said litter is actually drugs baggies, now empty symbols of the night before. We spoke to Greg White, 37, head baggy picker and local man.

“I started this job around 4 years ago and its like ground hog day, every morning. I’ve worked at Glastonbury festival as a litter picker and I can tell you this is exactly the same, if not worst.”

He divulged that on one occasion a colleague managed to- somehow– ingest a fair amount of the drugs he was meant to be picking up.

“It was a bizarre sight, watching Dave the Gut, as we like to call him, prancing around on the pebbles like he was a fairy or something”.

Brighton is known for its night life and its casual, European-esque attitude towards recreational drugs. As our reporter discovered when he visited the place for a few hours, he was offered joints by passerby’s on their way to work and some ketamine by lovingly over zealous students still out from the previous night.

There has even been a petition put forward by local drug dealers for the council to begin a baggy recycling scheme, so they can be put back into circulation and help the local economy. We contacted the council a number of times for comment, but they have not returned our calls.

More will follow as the story develops.




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