Yesterday marked the first day of the silencing of Big Ben, for a number of years the clock will not be able to tell the time and confuse Londoners as a result. This is due to the current alcoholism that the clock has found itself in after falling off the wagon a bit and developing a taste for single malt. A rehab team has been sent in to try and sort out the problem.
However, no one is as outraged as the Conservative MP, Jacob Rees-Mogg, referring to it as the greatest tragedy of our time. He insists that the clock should be allowed to keep drinking as it has every right to do so.
The PM, whilst not happy with the idea, didn’t think it good for the country’s image to have an alcoholic clock as one of its main tourist attractions and feared global backlash after the clock began to slur at innocent bystanders.
Whilst other problems of this green and pleasant land, like child poverty and the GP crisis, pale into insignificance compared to the national treasures alcoholism.
More to come.