Strong Batches Of Cocaine & MDMA At European Dance Festival Actually Just Over The Counter Chemicals From Local Pharmacies

They danced into the night, shuffling in white socks while clouds of glitter floated through the air. They sweated, flirted and felt euphoric. They returned to their tents a mess, gurning as the sun came up, and slept until it went.

Now as unusual as this may sound, this happens all summer on our shores and all over Europe. The popularity of festivals has grown so much they are not just attended by peace loving, tripped out hippies with a penchant for rock n roll. Now they cater for everyone.

At a dance festival in Eastern Europe this weekend, popular with the white middle class English, a particularly strong batch of cocaine was reported as making people have the best time they have ever had, anywhere. This feeling of ecstasy spread over the festival site as word got round and the local dealers made a killing.

Tom Love, as he likes to be called, 24, from Windsor, who went to the festival had this to say when we spoke to him at Gatwick Airport this morning on his return from the continent.

“Mate I am still buzzing! Can’t believe what a good time we all had, I think I danced bare, for three days straight. I dread to think what it’s going to be like when I start coming down..

….Hopefully my father won’t find out, but I am already planning on going back out to another festival in a couple of weeks instead of starting my masters, which is what my parents wanted”.

He wasn’t the only one to express such sentiments as The Rambler found out after our reporter was offered a threesome by a pale sweaty couple who were still gurning. Needless to say our man booked himself a plane ticket there and then, thinking of nothing but finding the source of these drugs.

What he found there, was disappointment. He tracked the drug gang down to a dodgy barn in the woods, somewhere in northern Bulgaria and confronted them with his dictaphone. The gang it turns out, was just a man called Borislava, who had done pretty well in school chemistry classes, and his mangy cat.

He explained, in good English, that the reason he sold the drugs was because of his sick grandmother, whose medical care was very expensive and this was the only way he could afford it. He made the drugs and paid local kids to be the pushers. He insisted he was helping the village economy.

What he said next quite shocked our reporter when he revealed that he purchases all the necessary ingredients from a small pharmacy just round the corner of his house.

“Yes, I have never even seen cocaine or ecstasy I just googled a simple recipe and copied it. I don’t even know a proper dealer.”

Our man asked why people thought it was so good,

“No idea, it might be the talcum powder….”

After a word with our editor in chief, the reporter has decided to take himself around European festivals for the rest of the summer, actually trying to find some real drugs.

Stay updated at The Daily Ramlber this summer for more related stories.

 

 

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