Lucy, who is a Business Student from the University of Newcastle, was found on Spring Vale beach, the Isle of Wight, around 6.20am by local fisherman who thought she might have been a washed up seal.
When being woken up she allegedly screamed “Doner!!!”, most likely in regards to one of the nations most loved foods, the Doner Kebab, of Turkish origin. The fisherman said she appeared drunk, confused and quite irritable. An ambulance crew arrived shortly after.
Local Paramedic Rodney Pearson was quoted as saying,
“Can we find out what she drinking and order a load? Looks bloody good”
The student had begun the night in quite a different setting, 400 hundred miles away in her SU bar all the way up in Newcastle. What was an innocent night out, turned bad.
“All I can remember is the rounds were flying in and I was drinking so much. I think I remember ordering 27 Sambuca’s around 9pm but I am not sure.”
“It was final results weekend and, you know, of course we are going to party our socks off, who doesn’t deserve it after basically just memorizing old exam papers, hoping that the same questions would come up”
How she came to be on the beach on the tiny island opposite the delights of Clarence Pier in nearby Portsmouth, is a mystery. There are several ferry and hovercraft links from the mainland.
Lucy was safely returned to her family home in Buckinghamshire, where her parents were anxiously waiting. Her father was heard shouting as the mansions gates closed, “If we have to buy you another bloody IPhone 7”.
The University declined to comment. When pressed, they said this wasn’t unusual.