Aging Pensioner forced to play Queen for a day as Royal Ascot begins

The inside talk from the halls of Westminster this morning is that the Queen employed a doppelganger for her traditional speech at the opening of Parliament yesterday.

The reason for this is thought to be because of the first day of Royal Ascot. Which coincided, unfortunately for the Queen, with the speech she was meant to deliver in the House of Peers.

It is now understood that the Palace sought to find someone with an uncanny resemblance to her Majesty. Apparently agents (in secret) scoured the land for weeks before seeing OAP Beatrice “Betty” Johnson looking for her cat amongst the bushes of Victoria Park.

After being persuaded with a handsome sum of money and a life time supply of Bovril to perform the task, Betty had to practice for weeks before the speech. One of our reporters tracked her down this morning outside her council flat in Tower Hamlets. He managed to ask a few question before being hit repeatedly with a handbag.

“Well I was just looking for Tommy (the cat) one night when two posh sounding men came out of nowhere and gave me this proposition to be the Queen for a day…”

It is well known her Majesty is a passionate horse lover and it seems the races take precedence over official state business for the Windsor monarch, which is why Betty had to step in.

“I had to practice this speech over and over, talking about Brexit this Brexit that, I voted leave because I haven’t had a decent portion of fish and chips since the 1970s…”

Betty has since said she will not do anything of the like again.

“Some of those blue bloods are awful- I saw Prince William tell a butler to follow him to the toilet so he could help him wipe!”

The Palace Press Office has yet to make a statement.

 

 

 

 

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